Mother's Day is somewhat of a painful subject for me. I am not trying to take it away from RealMom and I'm not trying to say I have a right to anything that day, because I don't. But that's why it sucks so bad. Everyone out there celebrates Mother's Day. And as a second Mom, I sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else get their cards and their flowers and their sweet sentiments and I die a little inside. Aside from my own family, no one tells me happy mother's day. No one gives me cards or flowers, and I don't even get to spend time with my child because RealMom owns the rights to the day. I don't get the cute things that Punk makes in class for her mom. I don't get to have that special day.
I try to keep everything bottled inside because I don't want Punk to think she is doing anything wrong or that I'm mad at RealMom for anything, because I'm not. It just hurts.
This is the first year Punk is old enough to understand really what's going on with Mother's Day. She asked what day it was on, and when I told her, she said "so I finally get to spend Mother's Day with you?" I explained that her Mom will probably be here to get her early because that's her day, and her response surprised me a little.
"That's not really fair."
Wow. I don't think I'd put it that way, but there it was. My feelings exactly. I talked to her about why she always goes with her Mom and told her I appreciated her feelings but that it was the right thing to be with RealMom for that day. We talked about how they should make a Step-Mother's day and a Step-Father's day so that it could be fair for everyone. It's amazing how mature she's gotten just this year.
So, if you could all do me one little favor - if there is a stepmother in your life, whether it's your own or a friend or whatever, make sure to tell her Happy Mother's Day on Sunday. Although it may not show, it means a lot to hear it.
My husband and I always have. We both have stepmoms.
ReplyDeleteIt always ends up where Mother's Day has fallen in my ex's weekend and he does everything in his power so I do not get them back the time I should on Mother's Day and I never have since our divorce and its always been so hard to think they always get to spend it with her EVERY year. (nothing against her exactly..just feel like I am the Mom and deserve to have them here too.. I carried them 9 months, raise them etc. who cares if they live here more than they do there or see me more.) Just my opinion towards my situation... Now we live so close this year, he is not getting away with it and I will actually get my kids back the morning of Mother's Day, I am so excited because they want to be here and celebrate that day and not so late that night as we pick them up after 7 or later(and still have to drive home) and rush them to bed like we always have.) He has always gotten them his fathers day so I feel its only fair.
ReplyDeleteBut I agree they should have a Step-parent mother & fathers day as well, for so many its now the norm.
The kids make their Dad gifts at school for fathers day and they usually ask the teacher if they are able to have an extra, many times they can and they make one for both their dad and my husband. When there are not enough we make something together for my husband so he is included because its important to the kids. He usually gets it early or the day they get home after the holiday. They do the same for their step-mom. I definitely think they should not be forgotten.
My step daughters are rarely here in Father's Day (one daughter never has been) and its hard on him. Of course they never are for Mother's Day either and don't do anything. It doesn't bother me only because I have my other three kids who make it special. I can see your point and view where you only have Punk and she is at her Mother's. It would be hard for sure.
Thats one of those things I hate so much about divorce. Sharing holidays. My step daughter rarely gets to spend them with us because if it falls on her Moms weekend she refuses to let her come. More times than not she gets her holiday gifts 2 weeks or more after its over. Its sad.
I too am a Step-Mom,,when My husband an I got married we both had grown children,2 for me an 3 for him an we adopted our foster daughter together,,even when they are older it still hurts,there has been a yr or 2 in the past 10yrs that I didnt get a phone call on Mothers Day from one of them an wow did that hurt,no im NOT their Mom,but Id like to think im a close second,they know I adore them an would do anything for them,,I am honored that since weve been married the babies all call me Mamaw,we now have a total of 7grandbabies with another on the way,,when one of my stepdaughters got married,I was the one who did most of the grunt work,her mom didnt lift a finger,,,I will always be second an thats the way it should be,but Im with you with having a Step*parent Day where its our day an we dont have to share it,,,I offered my stepdaughter my wedding dress,,to save her some money,she said she would but didnt want to hurt her mom,,so we shelled out 500 bucks for a gown,,an mom,,paid NOTHING an did no work,,,excuse me,thats just not right,,,oh welll,thats the life of a step-parent,like a good ole pair of shoes,,cant wear them in public but confortable to wear when no one else is looking,hang in there kid,you still got a lot of years of this left to go,,
ReplyDeletewow, that made me sad for you. But Punk really loves u and it shows. i know when she gets a lil dollar in her lil pocket or when she is a teen, she is gonna get u that lil special something that is gonna be so special. hang on, ur day is coming with her...
ReplyDeleteit is great to read that u r understanding though. that is the best thing u can do for the child.
i don't blog, put i think if i did i would throw my heart out there too. that is prob y i don't do it.
good therapy i think.
take care girl, and hang on....
I know exactly how you feel. I've been a stepmom to 2 amazing kids for almost 4 years. I am lucky to get along w/their Mom, we spend every Sat watching the kids sports. But Mother's Day is tough for Stepmom's. The kids always make something for me though which helps. And after a couple of less than amazing Mother's Day fiascos, hubby made it really special for me this year. And we actually split the day w/Mom and our house so I got to see them on the actual day. It takes a while but you get to a routine that works for each family. I do think they should make a special day for Step-parents. God knows there are enough of us out there. Punk is what makes you a parent and her sensitivity shows what a great step-parent you are!
ReplyDeleteI am totally forgotten on mother's day as well as christmas or my birthday by my stepsons, so I know how you feel. I hate to say it but I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in my suffering!
ReplyDelete